OT: Total lustiger Text

Brief eines Bayern an die NASA
Greet God!
I write you, because you must help me. I have seen your Space Shuttle in the television. In colour. And so came me the idea to make holidays in the world-room.
Without my crazy wife.
I am the Kraxlhuber. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock-grandfather. I stand on a very bad foot with my wife. Always she shouts with me. She has a shrill voice like a circle saw. She lets no good hair at me. She says I am a Schlapp-tail. She wants that I become Bürgermaster. But I want not be Bürgermaster. I have nothing at the hat with the political shit. I want my Ruah. And so I want make holidays on the moon. Without my bad half. But I take my dog with me. He is a boxer. His name is Wurstl.
So I want book a flight in your next Space Shuttle. But please give me not a window place. I would kotz you the rocket full, because I am not swindle-free. And no standing-place please. And please do not tell my wife that I want go alone. She has a big Schrot-gun. She would make a sieve from my ass.
I need much comfort. A nice double-romm with bath an kloo an heating. And windows with look to the earth. So I can look through my far-glasses and see my wife working on the potatoe field. And I and my dog laugh us a branch (hä hä hä). We will kringel ourself laughing (hö hö hö)!
Is what loose on the moon? I need worm weather and I hope the sun shines every day. This is very good für my frost-boils. I need not much. A good bread-time, a good Haxn and a Mass beer.
Have they chew-tobacco on the moon? If not, I bring it with. Is in the rocket place for my drive wheel?
Tell the man of the moon that I come. I hope he has no wife. We can make outflights with my drive wheel. We can make crater-wandering. I bring him the Bavarian national hymn bei. We can make tobacco chewing. We can drink al lot of hopblossom-tea. I hope he is no Preiß!!! We can spuck around the bet. We can make finger-hooking. I bring the Bavarian flag with and we can dance shoeplattler around it.
Have they flies on the moon? If yes, I bring my weather-frog with. He will get fat like a otter.
I want make 5 weeks holidays. When you have no new rocket after the 5 weeks, I wait for the next rainbow and drive with my Radl.
Please make a good price-under good friends. I cannot pay so peppered prices because my pocket-money is not so much; send your answer to my neighbour Wastl Hintermoser. I have the honour.
Your Alois Kraxlhuber
PS. Don't fly when is full-moon. My dog, this Pig-Bazi, becomes always epileptic und makes so much noise.